It was about six years ago that I met the four children who would become my stepkids, and what a journey it has been. I often marvel at how they have grown and evolved in that time, and how they continue to change.
I have had many people say to me: Wasn’t it hard suddenly becoming the stepparent to four children? Certainly, there have been challenging days. There is no “How To Be A Stepmom” manual and, I confess, I have gone to my bedroom, shut the door, and cried many a tear after having certain difficult moments with my teens. But what I mainly feel as a stepparent, as a parent, is blessed. I feel fortunate. I feel “placed.”
I feel placed here by God, at this time, with these individuals in my life, to be a stepmom, to be, I hope, a positive influence, and as the trust among us grows, to be a confidante. Before I go further, I should note that when I was unmarried and praying to God that I would meet someone with whom I could share my life, a divorced father of four is not what I had in mind! But it was what God had in mind for me. These words have become almost a cliché, but they bear repeating: The Lord works in mysterious ways.
As a stepmom and as a wife, I am learning so much about myself and about others. Imagine feeling your way across a dark room with which you are unfamiliar. That’s how I would describe step-parenthood. Is it a fulfilling experience? Yes. Exhausting at times? Definitely.
Sarah, the middle of three daughters (I’m the stepmom of three daughters and one son), is going through a stage of her life right now that is challenging not only for her, but for her dad and me as well. Sarah, who is 18 and a freshman in college, wishes so much that she knew for certain what she wanted to do for the rest of her life. The “not knowing” bothers her. Sarah wants it all figured out this instant. She is taking general courses in school and knows, for example, that she enjoys and excels in math, but it unnerves her that she doesn’t know exactly what she wants to be when she grows up. In her mind, she is already grown up.
“I’m 18!” she tells us in exasperation. I have to bite my tongue to stop from saying, “But 18 is still very young.”
I recently heard Sarah say: “I wish I could hurry up and be 30 already.” I had to chuckle. Sarah wants to wake up tomorrow to find that 12 years have passed and that she is settled in a career and happily married with children. I, of course, have no desire for 12 years to pass overnight. But Sarah is anxious to know what the future holds. I have watched and listened as she has gone through periods of wanting to be a yoga instructor, and then a detective, and then an obstetrician. Once she mentioned joining the Army. Another time she mentioned joining the Air Force. Now she is talking about medical school and then working with Doctors Without Borders.
I would be happy with any of those choices as long as Sarah is happy. For now, I want her to relax and to just let life unfold. No need to rush, I want to tell her. The challenge for Sarah is to be patient. The challenge for Sarah’s dad and me is to know when to offer guidance and advice, and to know when to loosen the apron strings enough for her to figure out some things on her own. Most importantly, we pray for her. We pray that she has faith in God. We pray that she remembers that He has a plan for her life and knows what is best. Sometimes His plan isn’t want we expect. See above note about the Lord working in mysterious ways!
I leave you with Proverbs 3:5—Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.
—Kim Paras
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