As I write these words, it is one of those rare occasions when I have the house to myself. Ahh. Peace and quiet.
Don’t misunderstand. I love my family and love spending time with them. But here in our home near Pine Island, peace and quiet—particularly the quiet part—are foreign concepts. With a husband, four children, and our children’s friends who are here on occasion, this is an active household, one that makes for busy, albeit joyous, lives. When December 2010 rolled around recently, like many people, I thought, “The year is over already?!” Our jobs, the children, and other activities keep Rich and I so busy year-round, that it seemed we had just rung in 2010 a few weeks ago. Then all of a sudden, it was 2011. Here at the Paras home, there is never a dull moment.
That said, I am happy to experience a little dullness this evening. I ended up having the house to myself because Rich and the kids went to my father-in-law’s in New Jersey to watch football. As much as I love football (ahem), I stayed behind because I have to get up very early in the morning, and they will be getting home very late tonight.
What does a busy wife and stepmom do when left alone? Well, this one savors the temporary solitude. Other than the humming and purring of the washer and dryer downstairs, the house is quiet. And I am rather enjoying it. I decided shortly after my gang left that I would use this opportunity to cook foods that I like but that they don’t. For one, I have a pot of pinto beans seasoned with ham hocks cooking on the stove. (If my youngest were here, she would turn up her nose at the mere mention of “ham hocks.”) I am going to heat my black iron skillet in the oven later and then make buttermilk cornbread. And I made a quick trip to the grocery store earlier to buy minute steaks, which I will dredge in flour and fry in hot oil. It’s not a meal for kings, I realize, but these are a few of the foods I grew up eating in the South, and my tummy is growling right now as the smell of the pinto beans wafts from the kitchen. I am fixing them the way my mom taught me, slowly, letting them cook somewhere between a simmer and a low boil until they are tender. Had I planned a little better, I would have cooked a pot of turnip greens as well, because my better half and the kids absolutely detest the smell of turnip greens.
Upstairs, supper is cooking. Downstairs, I have a low fire going in the wood-burning stove. I love the aroma and crackle of the fire, the warmth of which is so welcoming on this nearly single-digit cold night. I realize that in this space I often reminisce about my dad, and I hope you’ll forgive me, as so many things make me think of him, more so as I get older. As I was carefully adding a log to the fire earlier, that simple act made me think of him—Daddy, bringing in firewood from our back porch to the den and keeping the fire ablaze. Occasionally, he would straighten out clothes hangers and let my brother and I roast marshmallows, the fire licking at those big marshmallows until they were nearly burnt, melting, and gooey. Again, such simple things, but oh what wonderful memories it gave me.
I think a lot about how high-tech and busy and fast our world has become. The “no wait, get it now” society we live in is meant to make our lives easier, but I sometimes wonder if it in many ways creates stress. I hope I never lose sight of the joy that comes from simple things, like roasting marshmallows under my dad’s careful eye and cooking family dishes taught to me by my mom. More important is the love I feel from them, even from my dad who is no longer here with us. I thank God for these blessings.
I leave you with 1 John 5:14—This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.
—Kim Paras
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Monday, January 3, 2011
Words From Kim's Notebook
It was about six years ago that I met the four children who would become my stepkids, and what a journey it has been. I often marvel at how they have grown and evolved in that time, and how they continue to change.
I have had many people say to me: Wasn’t it hard suddenly becoming the stepparent to four children? Certainly, there have been challenging days. There is no “How To Be A Stepmom” manual and, I confess, I have gone to my bedroom, shut the door, and cried many a tear after having certain difficult moments with my teens. But what I mainly feel as a stepparent, as a parent, is blessed. I feel fortunate. I feel “placed.”
I feel placed here by God, at this time, with these individuals in my life, to be a stepmom, to be, I hope, a positive influence, and as the trust among us grows, to be a confidante. Before I go further, I should note that when I was unmarried and praying to God that I would meet someone with whom I could share my life, a divorced father of four is not what I had in mind! But it was what God had in mind for me. These words have become almost a cliché, but they bear repeating: The Lord works in mysterious ways.
As a stepmom and as a wife, I am learning so much about myself and about others. Imagine feeling your way across a dark room with which you are unfamiliar. That’s how I would describe step-parenthood. Is it a fulfilling experience? Yes. Exhausting at times? Definitely.
Sarah, the middle of three daughters (I’m the stepmom of three daughters and one son), is going through a stage of her life right now that is challenging not only for her, but for her dad and me as well. Sarah, who is 18 and a freshman in college, wishes so much that she knew for certain what she wanted to do for the rest of her life. The “not knowing” bothers her. Sarah wants it all figured out this instant. She is taking general courses in school and knows, for example, that she enjoys and excels in math, but it unnerves her that she doesn’t know exactly what she wants to be when she grows up. In her mind, she is already grown up.
“I’m 18!” she tells us in exasperation. I have to bite my tongue to stop from saying, “But 18 is still very young.”
I recently heard Sarah say: “I wish I could hurry up and be 30 already.” I had to chuckle. Sarah wants to wake up tomorrow to find that 12 years have passed and that she is settled in a career and happily married with children. I, of course, have no desire for 12 years to pass overnight. But Sarah is anxious to know what the future holds. I have watched and listened as she has gone through periods of wanting to be a yoga instructor, and then a detective, and then an obstetrician. Once she mentioned joining the Army. Another time she mentioned joining the Air Force. Now she is talking about medical school and then working with Doctors Without Borders.
I would be happy with any of those choices as long as Sarah is happy. For now, I want her to relax and to just let life unfold. No need to rush, I want to tell her. The challenge for Sarah is to be patient. The challenge for Sarah’s dad and me is to know when to offer guidance and advice, and to know when to loosen the apron strings enough for her to figure out some things on her own. Most importantly, we pray for her. We pray that she has faith in God. We pray that she remembers that He has a plan for her life and knows what is best. Sometimes His plan isn’t want we expect. See above note about the Lord working in mysterious ways!
I leave you with Proverbs 3:5—Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.
—Kim Paras
I have had many people say to me: Wasn’t it hard suddenly becoming the stepparent to four children? Certainly, there have been challenging days. There is no “How To Be A Stepmom” manual and, I confess, I have gone to my bedroom, shut the door, and cried many a tear after having certain difficult moments with my teens. But what I mainly feel as a stepparent, as a parent, is blessed. I feel fortunate. I feel “placed.”
I feel placed here by God, at this time, with these individuals in my life, to be a stepmom, to be, I hope, a positive influence, and as the trust among us grows, to be a confidante. Before I go further, I should note that when I was unmarried and praying to God that I would meet someone with whom I could share my life, a divorced father of four is not what I had in mind! But it was what God had in mind for me. These words have become almost a cliché, but they bear repeating: The Lord works in mysterious ways.
As a stepmom and as a wife, I am learning so much about myself and about others. Imagine feeling your way across a dark room with which you are unfamiliar. That’s how I would describe step-parenthood. Is it a fulfilling experience? Yes. Exhausting at times? Definitely.
Sarah, the middle of three daughters (I’m the stepmom of three daughters and one son), is going through a stage of her life right now that is challenging not only for her, but for her dad and me as well. Sarah, who is 18 and a freshman in college, wishes so much that she knew for certain what she wanted to do for the rest of her life. The “not knowing” bothers her. Sarah wants it all figured out this instant. She is taking general courses in school and knows, for example, that she enjoys and excels in math, but it unnerves her that she doesn’t know exactly what she wants to be when she grows up. In her mind, she is already grown up.
“I’m 18!” she tells us in exasperation. I have to bite my tongue to stop from saying, “But 18 is still very young.”
I recently heard Sarah say: “I wish I could hurry up and be 30 already.” I had to chuckle. Sarah wants to wake up tomorrow to find that 12 years have passed and that she is settled in a career and happily married with children. I, of course, have no desire for 12 years to pass overnight. But Sarah is anxious to know what the future holds. I have watched and listened as she has gone through periods of wanting to be a yoga instructor, and then a detective, and then an obstetrician. Once she mentioned joining the Army. Another time she mentioned joining the Air Force. Now she is talking about medical school and then working with Doctors Without Borders.
I would be happy with any of those choices as long as Sarah is happy. For now, I want her to relax and to just let life unfold. No need to rush, I want to tell her. The challenge for Sarah is to be patient. The challenge for Sarah’s dad and me is to know when to offer guidance and advice, and to know when to loosen the apron strings enough for her to figure out some things on her own. Most importantly, we pray for her. We pray that she has faith in God. We pray that she remembers that He has a plan for her life and knows what is best. Sometimes His plan isn’t want we expect. See above note about the Lord working in mysterious ways!
I leave you with Proverbs 3:5—Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.
—Kim Paras
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